Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
