these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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