Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Actions speak louder than pants.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
