hotel room ftw
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
