Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize