she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
