So drunk, too bad you don't want this
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
