I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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