You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i permit you to call me
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
