The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
