Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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