Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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