she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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