You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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