i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
