My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
