I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
the liver wants what the liver wants
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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