i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
