I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
