So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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