That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
