Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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