I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
