Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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