I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
