the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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