Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
