I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think my fart just growled at me.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
