i already hear my dad disowning me
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
