I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Semen is not good for contacts.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
