no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
