Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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