Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
