I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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