I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
