Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
