So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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