Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
