i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
