just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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