So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
