Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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