fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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