hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
