can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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