I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
