butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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