It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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