Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
