She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
