I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
