All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you win again, gameday.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
