she was so not down for the gang bang
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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