Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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