I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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