you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
