i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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