birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Success! We fucked roommates!
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