Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
