I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
if only i could text you this smell
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
