You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize