things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
