Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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