so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
