I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
