the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
