Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
