boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
