Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
