How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
