I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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